I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my being single is dangerous.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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