It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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