the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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