I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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