there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
