do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
