i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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