Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
