You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
