Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
