I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
