Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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