I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
