as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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Do I have a choice?
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My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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