dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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