I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
