was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
even my farts smell like vagina
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
