you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
