how can u be prego again
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
