You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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