My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
