hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so let's talk penis.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
