Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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