We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
