Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So squirting runs in the family.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just pee around me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
