Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
