so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
a search helicopter?!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
