Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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