just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
