People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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