Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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