Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
