I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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