I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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