A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
