i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
