just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
