the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hippo gnu deer
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
