Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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