I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
