I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
