Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
