Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
