i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have aggressive nipples.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
