Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
