a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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