you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
