just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
