I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
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Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
They have beer where we have blood.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
