In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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