I wanna passion pit in your ass
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
