oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
