Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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