:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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