feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
