Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
