he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
